Dear Journal,
Well it's just another day here. I woke up to my older brother Billy kicking me in the stomach. " Get up you good for nothing freak", he had said. I wish i could retaliate but Billy is 17 and I'm only 12. When this stuff first started happening I stood up for myself, not anymore. If I was to try and do something back, it would only end bad for me.
Now that Mum has gone to heaven to be with the angels, Billy seems to hate everything about me that she used to praise. She always said that I was such a good boy and how bright I was. I miss her comforting smile.
Billy and I were close, but that was before. Before Dad drank too much and started hitting us. Before Billy started being terrible to me because Dad is terrible to him. Before Mum left us to go be with the angels. Why did she go? Didn't she love us? She said she did.
Dad didn't even go to work today, he was passed out on the couch all day. I miss doing stuff with him and Mum but now I only have myself. Billy told me today that Dad is gonna get fired. He wont be able to pay for us to have food and rent so Billy has to go work in the city and they are sending me off to that prep School that Auntie Jen offered to pay for. I don't want to go.
I have all this anger building up inside me, it's so foreign and strange to me. I don't know how to handle this rage. This must be how Dad and Billy feel when they hit me. But I don't have someone to beat up on so I just have to keep all my frustrations inside of my own head.
I'm not the same anymore. I'm never happy. Just angry. Sometimes the rage consumes me and i can't help but to tremble all over. But I hear dad starting to yell so I better be on my way.
Whooaahhh, Laurie. This is fantastic.
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